I’m always proud that I try my best. I try my best to build what I build in the best way possible. I try my best to succeed in life, to survive, to learn, and to take advantage of opportunities. I work hard even when it’s tiring and exhausting. I try to save money even in the economy I live in. When I buy something, I try my best for it to be best quality possible. I try to drink good coffee and eat good meals. I try not to be influenced by other people easily, to not be pressured into accepting what I don’t like, and to have my own mind and my own thinking about different matters, not just accepting whatever I’m told.
But I’m just human, aren’t I? Sometimes I fail. The world is too big for me to take everything under control. Sometimes I forget that I live in a world where some oligarch or a government can decide how I live my life, whether I’ll have food the next day, or whether I can start my car and drive it. I sometimes forget that I can’t control how my life gets decided for, without my knowledge or consent.
With every failure, I blame myself for doing things wrong, for losing in the game they’ve set for me and those like me, but it’s not really my fault. It’s not that I didn’t do my best. I forget that I shouldn’t be ashamed of myself, that I shouldn’t be blamed for failing sometimes. It’s not my fault.